Love, sex and paper clips…..

This may shock some of the Daily Mail readership, but honestly – not all that goes on in the stationery cupboard is about picking-up the heavy items, inserting the ball point pen in the desk holder, or even obtaining a few desk wipes to remove ink stains….. there is romance amongst the paper clips as well.

And in our greatly dividing and less stable family orientated society, the office is now the most favoured placed by default for finding and engaging with a new partner – about 20% of people do these days: for the men, they get closer soon; and for women, they see the whole of life gambit and not just the grooming. And that means that the office romance of the post-WW2 era of young lust is now most often replaced by the second or third time attempt for the 30 and 40 something’s to try and find Mr or Mrs or Miss perfect.

What may also shock, is that as we as a society get older, we also get more open about being LGBT – research suggests that a society which is 2% openly LGBT in our 20’s, is a full on 10% by our 50’s and 60’s – a doubling of the out rate each 20 years.

So, how is a manager supposed to cope with all this? Just sack them the first time something happens? Sorry, but if you read the last blog, that’s just a minor misdemeanour and even if you have said NO OFFICE RELATIONSHIPS there are good legal precedents which would conclude that wholly illegal if taken to court.

The first thing to do is to accept it happens – so you need to be prepared to address the issue.

The second thing to do is set up an open door policy against suitable guidelines. The problem legally is – what is an office romance, and what is infatuation turned into unwarranted pursuit? So count them all as one opportunity. Make staff aware that pursuit and harassment in the work place, particularly sexual intention or innuendo, is wholly unacceptable – make that a major breach, followed by immediate suspension and investigation. Include a separate section which says that the company understands that office romances do some times occur, and that on these occasions the two or more people involved should not conduct their romance in office time, and at an early and suitable date make their manager aware that they are having or investigating a relationship

The third thing to do is to set-up a complaints and issues procedure, publicise it - and make it fully confidential. The office romance in a small company or team can be a wholly disruptive event, and you may not be the first to spot the first signs of the extended lunch break. I once worked in an office where of the nine people in the billing team, six where having an affair with each other – and the office debate was only what the other three were going to do, and would they film the result! After two quarters of one of my customers complaining about poor billing, my services manager and I agreed to address the problem in our next review with the boss – two days before the review, he found out why the second in command of billing never complained about the billing manager, when he heard funny noises coming from the boardroom table. We never lost any customers, but the turn around of the billing function took 18months and £250,000

Once being made aware of a situation, proceed with speedy caution is the action of the day. Ask each of the participants separately for a quick chat, and investigate how work is going, family life, etc – if the subject doesn’t come up in the first conversation, then undertake the same procedure immediately with the second participant: even the third person if necessary. If the incident doesn’t come up in conversation, then arrange to re-meet informally one of the participants and raise the subject – it is, after all, either their duty to inform or they are breaking company guidelines if the relationship is created through undue pursuit or pressure.

I once became aware of a pursuit situation within my team – another manager was pursuing one of my admin staff. I raised it with her and her female manager, who advised she was aware and it was under control – we then minuted it in our and her 1to1 notes after that point. A month later, after an incident where my manager and I drove 100miles to literally rescue her from a planned company trip the other manager had arranged, I asked her to report the incident via the normal complaints procedure – which she refused. Her manager and I kept the situation under review, and unfortunately the pursuit manager was 12months later reported for a similar incident, and thankfully dismissed. If you are in such a pursuit situation or are receiving unwarranted attention, and probably feeling lonely and isolated PLEASE report it. As the manager from the above situation, there is not a period where I don’t say: “dam – could have stopped the idiot earlier” and feel wholly guilty.

What happens if you have a genuine romance, where both partners are happy and content? In these “sue the so-and-so’s first” modern climate, and as a manager now aware of an office romance, you need to take some action. Firstly, if possible, separate the working environments and teams – even if all is happy, think about the effect on co-workers in the same team. Secondly, write to both partners to formally confirm the situation, asking them to confirm that they are both willing and freely participating; and advising them that they should inform you immediately should the situation change. Thirdly, monitor the situation – ask about how things are going at the 1to1’s, and summary minute that all is well. Some American corporations are introducing “Love Contracts,” where employee’s in an office romance sign a non-disclosure release form, meaning they can’t sue the company for certain issues at work. I am not sure in UK and Europe this is yet necessary, as long as managers monitor the situation and minute the fact all is OK and both partners are in the relationship of their own free will.